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-1-

I downloaded the OpenOffice.org applications as part of my transitioning from Mac to Linux. I first touched the computer on an MS Dos environment before moving to Apple, then to Windows then to Mac OS. It will be my fifth platform, and as with all other transitions, the weight of having to learn new things and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of something you may never conquer is both exciting and daunting to me.


-2-

And the weather knows no transitions. I carried a jacket with me two weeks ago and talked to friends about the strangeness of March. March signaled the beginning of summer and this year, it came way too late. Some trees were still shedding leaves as though it was still November and the breeze filled your nose with a frigid burn. The Sunday after my birthday, I suddenly hailed a cab en route to lunch with friends 5 minutes away from where I was. Suddenly it has gone hot and humid, and I wonder where all the cold has gone.


-3-

I still have not moved houses yet. But I am getting there. Moving houses has been outright stressful and harrowing for me. There are those financial costs that make me feel that no matter how hard I work, I can never be good enough to deserve the little creature comforts I want. I spoke to the building contractor this afternoon and was pissed by how much she is trying to make everything more expensive than it should be. I know my prices, I've been doing my rounds of home depot window shopping, and if I get fed up with her, I will have it done by someone else. (If you know of any contractors within the metro, please email me).

It's also harrowing to have to put your life in boxes and move it from one place to the next. I am coming to terms with the fact that I cannot take everything with me, and that I have to purge. That's the difficult part. Letting go of the old so I could make room for the new. I was perfectly fine with the life I had and am leaving behind, I don't know why I have to muddle things up by moving and imagining life anew and--at least the private aspect of it--on my own.


-4-

I have been at odds with gout the past 9 days. That's the longest so far. In some symbolic way, I felt it has grounded me home. And at home, I am different from who I once was to my family before.

Strangely, that's how I feel around friends.

Stranger still, that's how I feel around my self.